Aleera

There are times I despair of our standards... This is not one of those times.

All idle convicts shall make their way to our dungeon cells to play the Hurting Game.

Immediately.

Some of you I notice seeming wary of others. I can smell the stench of your fears, angers and more... I find some looking at certain others, guarded and disliked.

Petty things, these are.

You seat yourselves not far from me and the constant beatings of your hearts often cry out for me to relish your anguished screams wish for the slow sinking of fangs before make you wet and soil yourselves in horror as I approach to admire some of you in hunger.

But do I act upon this?

No!

I may have, when first arrived, this is true. And perhaps not too long ago, when I had yet to learn my lessons fully. And sometimes, when the thirst takes me, too. Or simply when I am bored and yearn for But I do not cause any most many of you to regard me with suspicion! For my lessons are done and I have crimson delight to slake my thirsts.

It is not as if I dwell upon thoughts of devising your murders. Not any longer, no. Yes, it is true... My essence is one of infernal corruptions and death's shadow... But I, too, have learned that the living have value! And I can mostly hold conversations in the darkness of corridors without desiring to hear the snap of spine or feel the ripping of flesh.

Those times are behind me, you see? No longer considerations for Aleera!

Or rather... Not so much as before... But! For many of you, I would protect! Yes? Just as I was shown protection by others who would give this charity without the full knowing of who or what I am.

Our passions... These differ. But we are in same school. Even I, who have been made shepherd and teacher to others, still learn things here.

More trust is needed between you!

I write to you because of finding worrying news...

Tell me of your ills and their causes.

I would like a young, supple boy, please... I have something I think he would like.

Maker...

How is it that you can seem hollow, yet often wound so tightly with impatience? But perhaps I need not ask this. It is not so different from the question I once asked myself - how you can claim to love we, whom you made and favoured, yet give no true sign of love, at all. Only affections. Only fondness.

I do not shield these writings away from others, for perhaps some may learn a things of value from them. But do not mistake this public display for pride. It is not. You ask me to open my heart, though it no longer beats, with matters of truth and explanations for change. So, this I now do and all may query me, should they have questions, too. For this reason, I write now in English, to prove for all that I harbour no secrets in this.

You see, my Lord, while I do not regret my gift, I came to see that my duties for what they were. There is a difference between these two things I attach to this message the very letter which freed me from captivity here.

You ask for why I changed? The how of it? Now you can read the very thing I did not ever think you would. And you can read, too, what others thought and of their replies to me. It was this, my teacher, Toshiko, said which held me back. Here is the very thing, the very moment, I learned what lessons this place had for me.

I cannot escape the siren's pull of your blood, no. But I can recognise what was deserved in return for the love I gave you, my betrothed. Can see what was and, in truth, was not truly worthy of our family name.

And know this... It was not madness which caused those words to be written. It was Verona who guided me to them. It was through her that I came to see through new windows, even if I remained walking down old paths. If your impulse is to curse or hate me for having thought such things, then you curse and hate Verona, too.

Something neither of us wished for you.

You were brought here, I think, to realise the prison you had placed yourself in, just as was for we. But I seek not to lecture. Only to show what was asked of me. I do not lack in care. I am no less the woman you once knew. I have changed only in... Perspectives, yes? I am no shivering lamb, sodden with guilt and regrets.

I have merely gained something more. What was once seen as cattle, proved itself to have worth... Defended me. Befriended me.

I have become... Not bride, not defined by you, Vladislaus. I have become defined by me.

I am myself.

And, no doubt, I have now made fool of myself with too many words. I have seemed as if a hall of mirrors, each showing one more reflection than the last. I am sorry if this is so, but these matters... They are delicate and require much thought.

[OOC: Attached to this post is this (but definitely not this classic example of patented Aleera wardening techniques, because that would probably just confuse matters).]

It was I who killed...

I do not understand.

I think I have found a cocoon...

I should bring it back, I think. Toshiko likes to study things.

Toshiko! Toshiko!

Without inmate, I find myself with much extra time. I reflect upon my times here and, so, I make gift for you! Like Marquis and his stories!

Upon cruel and windswept night, the avenging angel, Empress Toshiko, watched over all... There was much death and Turkish pigs galloped over the countryside like diseased squirrels. She possessed a great beauty which caused many virgin schoolboys to soil themselves with nerves, while many a brave Prince sought in their dreams to ravish her.

With a mere snap of fingers, she could have the bones of peasants broken and the heads of royalty to be cut from shoulders. But Toshiko's way was righteous! And her vision was wise.

There came a time when enemies did assemble to challenge her rule her and this, my friends, is where our story begins.

[OOC: Cue the rest of an epic adventure story penned by Aleera in honour of her one-time warden... One which is extremely public and fixates on Toshiko as some sword and sorcery blade-wielding combat bitch of awesomeness and wisdom, who fights thinly-veiled representations of the Master, West and all of Ros' other departed characters more! It fixates massively on gratuitous scenes of death, masses of sex and fiery, passionate slaughter of enemies (and, for some unexplained reason, lots of time-travelling wizards)! Needless to say, it's incredibly superficial and probably rivals the time when she put up nude portraits of Toshiko in the mess hall, for sheer public humiliation... Also, Prefect features as Toshiko's valiant Virgin Knight Commander in charge of her massive armies of doom.]

I would make things so that only those of an age can read, but since I do not know who amongst you these are, I cannot.

Do not bring these orphans to me. To do this would be... Unwise.

The young and innocent cause different thoughts to make themselves known to me, than yourselves.

The Admiral will be reviving General Chang, please.