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Audio: Quandry
Apr. 18th, 2012 09:53 amMy friends... Those who would be my enemies... And those who do not even know much of me, at all.
I do not hide this from the one who made me; Vladislaus. I see this too often - too many secrets here... So much hiding of words and intentions! But, nonetheless, there have been... Conversations with him, of late. And with others, too, yes. But his have had the most effect upon me.
For some of you, like me, this has become something of a home. For a few, it was once, also like me, seen as a prison. Then a method of salvation. A way to avoid... The after. Destruction. Oblivion.
I returned here with a mind to repay this debt. For I and my sister by fang and blood, Verona, were rewarded with new existence. New lives... And it was for us to choose in which manner this came to us. We decided to keep our dark gifts, for we could enjoy so very much more with these intact. Do not pity our conditions! It is a fun thing! And, truly, what good would I be if given back my mortality? What would I make of my lessons if I was not susceptible to the same temptations as before?
By ignoring them or... Fashioning them to a newer, greater purpose... I prove something to myself. I need no other's approval for this thing. I do it for myself. I have... Grown.
But I have had few to teach and I have not succeeded. Perhaps, I ask myself, my return should not have returned with such haste? Yes, I can conduct myself well while here, but the more I exist within these walls, the less experience I have of how it is to be a part of a world. To observe society... To be within it, even if not of it.
And now I suspect my presence here, now matter how I try to avoid making influence, is affecting my dear Vladislaus... He may deny this. Perhaps not. But it is what I feel and I must be honest with myself.
I spoke of how some of you have - and will - come to view this place. Well, something else you will come to think of is how you will be remembered by others. Those you came to know who dwell here after your time. The good times and bad.
And I have come to think this: That it does not matter. I give impressions here, yes. But there is my world and I am lacking in it now, when I could rejoin Verona and assist her there!
Perhaps my ramblings, so far, mean nothing. But I wish it to be known I am considering whether to leave. For good or... Possibly just a short time. Unless I am chosen as a teacher, of course. But if not... I think it wiser I be somewhere I can make differences, yes?
Not a decision. Not yet. But perhaps soon.
I do not hide this from the one who made me; Vladislaus. I see this too often - too many secrets here... So much hiding of words and intentions! But, nonetheless, there have been... Conversations with him, of late. And with others, too, yes. But his have had the most effect upon me.
For some of you, like me, this has become something of a home. For a few, it was once, also like me, seen as a prison. Then a method of salvation. A way to avoid... The after. Destruction. Oblivion.
I returned here with a mind to repay this debt. For I and my sister by fang and blood, Verona, were rewarded with new existence. New lives... And it was for us to choose in which manner this came to us. We decided to keep our dark gifts, for we could enjoy so very much more with these intact. Do not pity our conditions! It is a fun thing! And, truly, what good would I be if given back my mortality? What would I make of my lessons if I was not susceptible to the same temptations as before?
By ignoring them or... Fashioning them to a newer, greater purpose... I prove something to myself. I need no other's approval for this thing. I do it for myself. I have... Grown.
But I have had few to teach and I have not succeeded. Perhaps, I ask myself, my return should not have returned with such haste? Yes, I can conduct myself well while here, but the more I exist within these walls, the less experience I have of how it is to be a part of a world. To observe society... To be within it, even if not of it.
And now I suspect my presence here, now matter how I try to avoid making influence, is affecting my dear Vladislaus... He may deny this. Perhaps not. But it is what I feel and I must be honest with myself.
I spoke of how some of you have - and will - come to view this place. Well, something else you will come to think of is how you will be remembered by others. Those you came to know who dwell here after your time. The good times and bad.
And I have come to think this: That it does not matter. I give impressions here, yes. But there is my world and I am lacking in it now, when I could rejoin Verona and assist her there!
Perhaps my ramblings, so far, mean nothing. But I wish it to be known I am considering whether to leave. For good or... Possibly just a short time. Unless I am chosen as a teacher, of course. But if not... I think it wiser I be somewhere I can make differences, yes?
Not a decision. Not yet. But perhaps soon.
